


Moon

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Based on a The 1975 Song, Desire, F/M, Falling In Love, Heartache, Heartbreak, Hope, Hurt, Love, Love Confessions, Misery, Moon, Paganism, Pain, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad and Sweet, Shinto, Title from a The 1975 Song, Unrequited Love, Wishful Thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26405524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Yuki is deeply in love with Saki Hanajima, but, ultimately, she doesn't give a damn about him
Relationships: Hanajima Saki/Sohma Yuki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	Moon

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you are are wondering why I wrote something so miserable...I just did. There's no other way of saying it. I'm I'm love and sad at the moment, and, when I created a work and called it Moon, well, there's just no going back is there? I wanted to explore more into the concept if Yuki and Saki were together, bit, of course, I had to make it sad, didn't I?

Yuki woke up cleanly, his eyes opening as though he had never been asleep in the first place.

It was all due to a dream he had just had.

The gentle, emmersive sound of tribal Shinto Uta aura still swam in his mind and his existence, making him light, not quite with it, not quite consience.

In his mind still lingered the vision of Saki Hanajima in a black silk dress sitting with her legs curled to her side on a stone floor with carvings across the surface in some sort of open shrine in the mountains, the moonlight shining down onto her, illuminating her, as her head rolled gently on her shoulders, she also hearing the Uta, her thick black eyelashes like fans on her cheekbones, brushing gently...

Yuki quickly took in a deep breath and tried to rid his mind of what he had just been thinking, because, otherwise, it was just going to take over him and he was going to see the young woman at school tomorrow. He couldn't see her and automatically be taken back to this moment, one that wasn't even...

A part of him dared to not think of it as not real. The same part of him crooned that it was real, that it wasn't to be thought of as otherwise.

Yuike rolled over onto his side and tried to get back to sleep, but, he couldn't. He begged to be allowed by some unknown force to go back to sleep.

He never did get back to sleep.

Never a morning person in anyway shape or form, he was practically comatose on his feet with red-rimmed eyes, ashy-gray skin, uneven sight, and, huge black bags beneath his eyes.

When Kyo remarked he looked like he was going to die, Yuki didn't even reply. The irony was, he agreed internally. He had tried the cold water method of waking up, but, it hadn't done anything apart from making him irritable and unhappy.

He didn't eat anything for breakfast, the last thing he wanted to do was eating. He thought things might get better as he walked to school as per usual with Tohru and Kyo, but, it didn't. Yuki realized he was dreading that day, dreading school, having to just be around when, in all honesty, he'd rather been in his garden in his old jeans and shirt with hands covered in soil and taking on the weeds that were starting to pop up in the beds and the cape-weed sprawling over the lawn in the back garden that he mowed. Shigure appeared to think that the faerie's took care of the garden. Only last week Yuki had wanted to rip his face apart when Shigure had remarked of the beautifully tidy back garden, "When did this take place?"

Things got even more unbearable for Yuki at the first sight of Saki Hanajima with Arisa Uotani. Saki greeted Tohru, kissing her on the cheek, and, Yuki's stomach knotted painfully. Yuki thought that knowing his luck Saki was probably attracted to men the polar opposite of him, or, she wasn't attracted to men at all. Perhaps she was attracted to women.

Yuki went as far as trying not to look at Saki, but, all he wanted was to look at Saki. He wanted to get inside her mind and see all that she thought, and, with how much he liked her, it was his God-given right to see what was behind her eyes. Her fringe was getting longer now; it nearly covered her eyes.

She was wearing her school uniform; the same navy long-sleeved top with the sailor collar, the mid-calve length pleated skirt, lace-up oxfords.

Yuki got thinking of Saki in the clothes she wore outside school; her high-necked, long-sleeved black lace dresses, her off the shoulder patterned silk nightgowns - that had been an accident from the first time she and Arisa stayed over at Shigure's house, Yuki had bumped into Saki as she had come back from brushing her teeth in the bathroom - her black qi pao's with her black gloves that went past her elbows. 

Yuki had never dreamed of anyone like Saki; and, no one else on Earth he knew could ever come close to her.

Yuki knew he was in love with her; the world felt like it was on fire and no one could save him from it all apart from her. Even Saki looking at him...it righted the world around her.

Yuki had somehow managed moments that not even Saki herself knew about, let alone the immediate or outer worlds.

Saki singing for instance. The haunting, deep, sensual croon of her voice, the voice of a Deity in control, in ritual, radiating to the moon above in the sky.

Their class had been camping up in the mountains, and, Saki had been in the girl's showers at the hotel after the class bitch had shoved her into a blackberry bush - horrifically painful enough, a thousand thorns embedding one's skin - that was covering a twelve foot mineshaft. Incredibly, Saki was okay, and, everyone had been horrified at the sight of Saki crying. The class bitch in general was put on a train straight-away and sent home back to Tokyo - partly so Arisa didn't strangle her to death, as she so wanted to do - and after getting checked over by some local paramedics who had come to the hotel, Saki was cleared to be fairly stable. She had been in the showers, trying to get some relief from the hot water, and, it had been her voice that had made Yuki stop and slip into the hall of the girls bathrooms. He knew he should not have been in there, and, he knew that all hell would break loose if another girl came in at that exact moment, but, he couldn't help it. Somewhere in Yuki's being was a recognition that that voice could only belong to Saki Hanajima even though he had not heard Saki in such a state before...

She had been singing in a language that Yuki didn't know, and, despite that fact, he was utterly entranced by it.

So entranced by it he was that he was nearly caught by Saki who had turned off the water which shielded her from any sign of another human being in the bathrooms, and, luckily, made his way out.

All of the morning, Yuki suffered. And, at break, it grew even worse. He still couldn't eat anything; it was just impossible. Since he had really started to not be able to go a day without thinking about Saki Hanajima, he had been lucky to eat one thing a day. He just didn't feel hungry; even the thought of eating something didn't occur to him. And, if he did feel an ache inside, it was all due to her, and, the moment he saw her again, it was relieved, utterly swept away. And, due to this lack of eating, he had got to the stage where he could lose a kilogram a day. Tohru picked up on this.

"Yuki, why don't you eat anything?" She asked as he had a quick drink of water, his insides going weak and dry as Saki sat down on the grass beneath the huge old Acorn trees, smoothing her skirt over her thighs and knees, her knees against the grass in the traditional manner.

"Just not hungry, Honda-san." Yuki replied to her, and, he prayed that Tohru didn't pick anymore. Thankfully, she didn't. 

Yuki couldn't help gazing at Saki. He knew he was wrecking a part of himself for her, over her, as far as it all went. But, surely it wasn't too much to ask her to possibly be able to want to be with him, but, there it was. Yuki knew one didn't ask, hope, think, pray, that girls like Saki Hanajima to be with someone like him. 

Deep inside, he wondered if he was ever going to get anywhere with Saki, or, whether, she'd just put him down and, automatically, things in a form and manner would be ruined forever. Yuki sighed.

This feeling sucked.

The next night, things were even worse. He barely slept at all, let alone dreamt. Two times he successfully went to sleep thinking about Saki Hanajima, and, two times, he was woken up by his body jerking in a seizure.

The first time it happened, it startled Yuki so much he just stared up at the dark ceiling of his bedroom for a few moments afterwards; he had been asleep in a dark, dreamless sleep of which he remembered nothing, and, then, his whole body jerked uncontrollably. He managed to get off to sleep thinking about the various looks that came into Saki's eyes, only to be woken up later by another much more violent, single-paced seizure that made him cry out and his whole body come up from the bed. He stared up at the dark ceiling again, shocked out of breath.

What the fuck is going on? He thought to himself.

The next morning when he got to school, he opened the locker of his in the second entrance hall, and, found a note stuck inside:

I'm waiting for you

Saki, his mind immediately said, but, his realistic subconcious took over. Why would Saki be putting notes in his locker and why would she -?

"Uh, 'scuse me?" A young man's voice piped up politely.

"Oh, sorry." Yuki apologised to another guy who had been trying to get into his locker on Yuki's right side. "Sorry."

"Yuki."

Yuki looked around. The other student had been Hatsuharu. Yuki's eyes widened slightly. Hatsuharu regarded him. "You alright?" Hatsuharu asked.

Yuki abruptly turned on his heel and walked away. He didn't notice Hatsuharu following him until Hatsuharu's familiar hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him around just outside the gymnasium block. 

"What's going on?" Hatsuharu asked him. Yuki had no idea what posessed him to be so stupid but he told Hatsuharu, bluntly enough. They ended up sitting on one of the old crumbling brick walls by the gardens. Hatsuharu was smoking.

"But what if I get it wrong and she says she has enough?" Yuki said his main worry aloud.

"Between you and me, I'd say she doesn't get bothered by a great deal." Hatsuharu advised Yuki. "I can give you her number if you like?"

Yuki's eyebrows shot up. "And how would you have that?" He asked.

"Joys of Hanajima not been a really common last name." Hatsuharu explained. "And not many Hanajima's aren't around without been related to her lot who do some...interesting stuff."

"Like what?" Yuki questioned. 

Hatsuharu shrugged. "Look, I'll give you it and you can do whatever you like, how about that?"

Despite the tension in his body, there was a minute scale of hope for Yuki. 

Do it right now, a voice echoed in his head as soon as he got home. Just call her up.

But, Yuki knew that that note could have been from any one of the girls at his school. And, God, it shredded him apart inside. Unable to stand it anymore, he took the bull by the horns and texted Saki. He told her everything. That he had loved her for a very long time, and, it both delighted him and hurt him to see her every day. He thought about her all the time, and, he told her little things about hearing her singing that day when she was shoved into the mine shaft. Yuki did his best. He knew that as a girl, Saki would have probably preferred a face to face confrontation, but, this...Yuki sighed, closing his eyes and praying that it all went well.

A week went by.

There was no sign that Saki had ever known of his text, had ever seen it. Yuki checked he had the right number, and, he checked with Hatsuharu that promised him on his life that that was Saki's phone number and not someone elses.When Yuki checked his phone, he saw that Saki hadn't even clicked o the message to read it. He felt as sad as he ever had been in his life. And so angry. He hated himself.

It seemed to confirm a matter of his life: everything had to go terribly.

That night, thankfully a weekend so there was no school had been blighted by Saki and Arisa coming over to see Tohru. It killed Yuki inside to know that Saki was just down the hallway. He curled up in on himself in his bed, and, even though he loved Saki Hanajima, he wished she was dead. Maybe then he could move on, just kick her out of his life, but, Yuki knew it wouldn't work like that. It would break his heart even worse.

Yuki knew he was going to miss Saki Hanajima for the rest of his life.

He closed his eyes, and, perhaps in a way better, he wished he himself was dead, even though he knew clearly that Saki obviously didn't give a fuck about him.

**Author's Note:**

> Stream MOON by The 1975 from their MUSIC FOR CARS era


End file.
